The Perils of Perfectionism: A Mental Health Perspective

Wellbeing Therapy Hut Admin
Jun 10
3 min read

In a world that prizes achievement, control, and constant self-improvement, perfectionism can seem like a badge of honour. But scratch the surface, and it often reveals a complex struggle beneath—one that affects our mental health, self-worth, and capacity for genuine connection.

Perfectionism isn’t simply the desire to do well. It’s the unrelenting pursuit of flawlessness, fuelled by self-criticism, fear of failure, and a deep-seated belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. While it may appear as a drive for excellence, its roots often lie in anxiety, shame, and insecure attachment.

Perfectionism and Attachment

From the lens of attachment theory, perfectionism can emerge as a survival strategy. Those with insecure attachments—particularly anxious or avoidant styles—may have internalised the belief that love and acceptance are conditional. Perhaps affection was only given when achievements were praised, or mistakes were met with criticism or withdrawal. Over time, a child learns that being "perfect" is the only way to be safe, loved, or valued.

This early dynamic often translates into adulthood as a relentless inner critic. The perfectionist internal dialogue might sound like: “If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected,” or “I have to prove I’m enough.” These beliefs aren’t just unhelpful; they can be corrosive to our wellbeing, fuelling anxiety, burnout, imposter syndrome, and even depression.

The ACT Approach to Perfectionism

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a compassionate, empowering framework for working with perfectionism. Rather than trying to suppress or eliminate perfectionistic thoughts, ACT invites us to accept them as part of the human experience—and to choose behaviours aligned with our values, not our fears.

ACT teaches that thoughts like “I’m not good enough” aren’t necessarily truths—they’re mental events. We can learn to observe them with curiosity, not judgement. This is known as cognitive defusion: the ability to unhook from unhelpful thoughts, rather than be ruled by them.

By bringing mindfulness to our perfectionistic patterns, we start to see the costs. Does trying to be perfect keep us from meaningful relationships? Does it stop us from pursuing creative risks? ACT encourages us to connect with our values—like authenticity, compassion, growth—and take small steps in those directions, even if perfection is not guaranteed.

Moving Towards Wholeness, Not Perfection

What if we gave ourselves permission to be whole instead of perfect? To be real instead of polished? From an attachment point of view, healing often begins with secure relationships—those in which we feel seen, safe, and valued just as we are. Therapy, friendships, and even self-compassion practices can help build this internal sense of security.

And from an ACT perspective, wellbeing doesn't mean being free from difficult thoughts or feelings—it means learning to live well in their presence. It means noticing when perfectionism shows up, acknowledging it without judgement, and gently choosing a different path—one of courage, flexibility, and alignment with what matters most.

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism can masquerade as strength, but it often stems from early wounds and fear. With awareness, support, and therapeutic tools like ACT, we can begin to loosen its grip. We can move from a life driven by “shoulds” and “not good enoughs” to one rooted in authenticity, connection, and self-kindness.

You are already enough—not because of what you do or achieve, but simply because you are human. And that is, in itself, beautifully imperfect.