Back to School: Supporting Your Child Through Change, Overwhelm and New Beginnings

The start of a new school year can bring a mixture of excitement, anticipation and nerves. For some children, it can feel like a fresh start and something to look forward to. For others, the return to school, or starting a new setting altogether, can feel overwhelming.

Whether your child is starting school for the very first time, moving to a new school, beginning secondary school or simply returning after the summer holidays, transitions can bring big emotions. From a wellbeing perspective, it is important to remember that children do not always have the words to explain what they are feeling. Anxiety, uncertainty or overwhelm might instead show up through tears, irritability, clinginess, tummy aches, difficulty sleeping or changes in behaviour. So, how can parents support their children through this period of change?

Remember that transitions are a big deal

For adults, going back to school can sometimes feel like simply returning to a familiar routine. For children, however, a new school year can involve a lot of change. They may have a new teacher, classroom, timetable, uniform, journey to school or group of classmates. They may be worrying about friendships, schoolwork, being away from home or whether they will be able to manage the expectations placed on them.

For children starting school for the first time, the transition can feel even bigger. They are entering a completely new environment, often with new routines, new adults and many unfamiliar faces. Even positive changes can feel overwhelming. A child can be excited about starting school and feel anxious about it at the same time. These feelings can coexist, and acknowledging both can help children feel understood.

Look out for signs of overwhelm

Children don't always say, "I'm feeling anxious about school."

Instead, you might notice:

• Becoming more tearful or emotional

• Increased irritability or anger

• Wanting to stay close to you more than usual

• Difficulty sleeping or changes in their sleep

• Changes in appetite

• Frequent tummy aches or headaches

• Avoiding conversations about school

• Saying they don't want to go to school

• Becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn

• Finding small things much harder to cope with

• Having more meltdowns or emotional outbursts

These behaviours aren't necessarily your child "being difficult". They may be signs that their nervous system is struggling to manage everything that is happening. Rather than focusing only on the behaviour, try asking yourself: "What might my child be communicating through this behaviour?"

Make space for their feelings

It can be tempting to reassure children quickly when they are worried.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine."

"There's nothing to be scared of."

"You'll have a lovely time."

Although these responses usually come from a place of love, they can sometimes unintentionally make a child feel that their worries aren't valid. Instead, try acknowledging the feeling before offering reassurance.

You might say:

"It sounds like you're feeling a bit worried about starting your new class. It's okay to feel nervous when something is new."

Or:

"I can see that going back to school feels like a lot at the moment. Let's think about what might help you feel more comfortable."

You don't have to take the worry away. Sometimes, helping a child feel that their feelings are understood is enough to make them feel less alone with them.

Focus on what they can control

When something feels uncertain, having some predictability can help.

Depending on your child's age, you could:

• Practise the journey to school

• Visit the school or setting beforehand if possible

• Talk through what the first day might look like

• Get uniforms and school supplies ready together

• Re-establish bedtime and morning routines gradually

• Use a visual timetable for younger children

• Identify a trusted adult they can talk to at school

• Talk about what they can do if they feel worried during the day

Try not to overwhelm them with too much information at once. The aim is to make the unfamiliar feel a little more familiar, not to create a detailed script that they feel they have to follow perfectly.

Don't underestimate the importance of downtime

The first few days and weeks of a new school year can be exhausting. Children may spend a lot of energy concentrating, managing social situations, following new routines and processing unfamiliar experiences. This can mean they have less emotional capacity left when they get home.

You might notice that your child holds everything together at school and then has a huge emotional reaction as soon as they walk through the front door. This doesn't necessarily mean that school has gone badly. Sometimes home is where children feel safest to let their emotions out.

Where possible, build in some quiet time after school. This could mean having a snack, watching a favourite programme, playing, going for a walk or simply having some time together without lots of questions. You don't need to ask, "How was school?" the moment they walk through the door. Sometimes connection comes before conversation.

Be mindful of your own emotions

Children often take their cues from the adults around them. If you're feeling anxious about your child starting school, that's understandable. Starting a new chapter can be emotional for parents too. Try to be aware of how you communicate those feelings. There's a difference between:

"I'm really worried about you starting school. I'm not sure how you'll cope."

and:

"It's completely normal to feel nervous about something new. I know it might feel difficult at first, but we'll support you while you find your feet."

The second response acknowledges that the transition may be difficult without communicating that your child is incapable of managing it.

Remember that every child adjusts differently

There is no correct timeline for settling into a new school or setting. One child might walk through the school gates happily on day one. Another might need several weeks before they feel comfortable. Try to avoid comparisons with siblings, friends or classmates.

"Look, everyone else is going in without crying." may seem encouraging, but it can leave a child feeling ashamed of their emotions. Instead, focus on their individual progress. Perhaps they managed to walk into the classroom without you today. Perhaps they spoke to a new child. Perhaps they told you about something that happened at school. These small steps matter.

What if the overwhelm continues?

Some nervousness around a transition is completely understandable. However, if your child's distress is persistent, significantly affecting their everyday life, or making it difficult for them to attend school, it may be worth seeking additional support.

Start by talking to your child's school or setting. Their teacher, pastoral team or SENCO may be able to offer additional support. You can also speak to your GP if you are concerned about your child's emotional wellbeing. And remember: seeking support isn't a sign that you have failed as a parent, or that your child is failing to cope. Sometimes children and families simply need a little extra help navigating a difficult period.

A new beginning doesn't have to be perfect

The start of a new school year can come with a lot of pressure, for children and parents alike.

There can be an expectation that children should settle quickly, make friends, feel confident and enjoy every moment. But adjustment takes time. Your child doesn't need to feel completely confident on their first day. They don't need to love their new school immediately. And they don't need to manage every difficult emotion perfectly.

They need to know that the adults around them are there to listen, support and reassure them as they find their way. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can give our children during a big transition isn't another strategy or solution. It's the reassurance that they don't have to navigate it alone.

Need some extra support?

If your child is struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, changes in behaviour or another aspect of their emotional wellbeing, talking to a therapist can provide them with a safe space to explore what they're experiencing.

At The Wellbeing Therapy Hut, we offer counselling for children, young people and adults, with therapists who use a range of therapeutic approaches tailored to the individual.

If you feel that your child could benefit from some additional support, get in touch with The Wellbeing Therapy Hut to book an assessment. An assessment is an opportunity to talk about what is happening and helps us consider which counsellor and approach may be the best fit for your child.