“I’m Supposed to Be the Strong One”: Why Men Struggle to Talk About Mental Health

6 hours ago

9 min read

Paddy Pimblett, masculinity and the importance of speaking up

Being strong doesn’t mean keeping everything to yourself. It means recognising when you need support, and knowing that you don’t have to face everything alone.

When we think about strength, we often picture someone who can push through pain, keep going under pressure and remain composed when things get difficult. For many men, these expectations can become deeply ingrained, making it difficult to admit when they are struggling emotionally.

But what happens when being “the strong one” means hiding how you really feel? The conversation around men’s mental health has gained greater visibility in recent years, with public figures helping to challenge the stigma surrounding emotional vulnerability. One of those voices is UFC fighter Paddy Pimblett, who has spoken openly about his own mental health struggles and the devastating impact of losing a friend to suicide.

His message is a powerful reminder that mental health difficulties can affect anyone, regardless of how confident, successful or physically strong they might appear. At The Wellbeing Therapy Hut, we believe everyone deserves the opportunity to talk about how they feel, without judgement. And that includes men who may have spent years believing they should deal with everything on their own.

Paddy Pimblett: Challenging the idea that men shouldn’t talk

In July 2022, following his UFC victory over Jordan Leavitt, Paddy Pimblett used his post-fight interview to speak about men's mental health after learning that his friend Ricky had died by suicide shortly before the fight. Rather than focusing solely on his victory, he delivered an emotional message encouraging men to speak to someone when life becomes difficult. He challenged the stigma that men should hide their feelings and spoke about how important it is to reach out rather than bottle everything up.

Pimblett has also spoken publicly about experiencing his own mental health difficulties and seeking support. In doing so, he has helped challenge the assumption that struggling emotionally is somehow incompatible with being tough, successful or physically strong.

His openness matters because many men still feel pressure to present themselves as capable and in control, even when they are struggling internally.

When someone admired for their physical strength speaks honestly about emotional pain, it can help others recognise that vulnerability is not a weakness. It is part of being human.

Why do so many men find it difficult to talk about their feelings?

There is no single explanation for why someone might struggle to open up. Family experiences, relationships, culture, personality and previous experiences of seeking help can all play a part. However, traditional expectations around masculinity can make it particularly difficult for some men to acknowledge emotional distress.

1. The pressure to be strong

From a young age, some boys hear messages such as “man up”, “boys don’t cry” or “just get on with it”. Although these phrases are sometimes intended to encourage resilience, they can also teach children that sadness, fear and vulnerability are emotions to hide.

Over time, a boy who learns to suppress his feelings may become a man who finds it difficult to identify what he is experiencing, let alone explain it to somebody else. He might know that he feels irritable, exhausted or disconnected, but struggle to recognise that underneath those feelings are anxiety, sadness, loneliness or overwhelm.

Emotional strength isn't about never feeling upset. It's about being able to recognise, understand and respond to what you're feeling.

2. Fear of being judged

For some men, opening up means risking the possibility of being seen differently by friends, family, colleagues or a partner. They might worry that people will think they are weak, incapable or unable to cope. Others may fear becoming a burden or making their problems somebody else's responsibility. These fears can be especially difficult when someone has built their identity around being dependable: the person who fixes problems, provides for their family or supports everyone else. Asking for help can feel like stepping outside the role they have always been expected to fulfil. But needing support doesn't make someone less dependable, and it doesn't diminish the things they do for others.

3. Bottling things up becomes a habit

Not talking about difficult emotions can sometimes feel like the easiest option, particularly when life is busy or other people depend on you. You might tell yourself that things aren't bad enough to mention, that you should be able to handle them, or that you'll talk about them when life settles down. But when difficult experiences are repeatedly pushed aside, the feelings associated with them don't necessarily disappear.

Stress may begin to affect sleep, concentration, relationships and physical wellbeing. Small frustrations can feel disproportionately difficult to manage, while someone who once enjoyed spending time with friends may begin to withdraw. For some people, emotional distress can also show up as anger, irritability or working excessively rather than sadness.

Recognising these changes can be an important first step towards understanding what is happening beneath the surface.

4. Loneliness can be difficult to recognise

Someone can have a partner, children, colleagues and a busy social life while still feeling profoundly alone. If conversations tend to focus on work, sport, practical problems or everyday responsibilities, there may be little space to discuss the things that feel frightening, painful or uncertain.

Over time, a person may begin to believe that nobody would understand what they are going through, even when people around them genuinely care.

This can create a difficult cycle: the more isolated someone feels, the harder it becomes to reach out, and the less connected they become. Breaking that cycle doesn't always require a dramatic conversation. Sometimes, it starts with one honest sentence to someone you trust.

Men’s mental health: recognising the signs that someone may be struggling

Mental health difficulties don't look the same for everyone. Someone experiencing depression or anxiety may not appear visibly upset, and they may not describe themselves as struggling at all. Instead, you might notice changes such as:

Increased irritability or anger: becoming short-tempered, frustrated or unusually reactive.
Withdrawing from others: avoiding friends, cancelling plans or spending more time alone.
Changes in sleep: struggling to switch off, waking frequently or sleeping much more than usual.
Losing interest in things: no longer enjoying hobbies, exercise or activities that previously brought pleasure.
Working or keeping busy constantly: finding it difficult to sit still or be alone with their thoughts.
Increased use of alcohol or other substances: relying on them to relax, sleep or escape difficult feelings.
Feeling trapped or hopeless: expressing that nothing will improve, that they are a burden or that others would be better off without them.

None of these signs automatically means someone has a mental health condition. However, noticeable or persistent changes can be a reason to check in. If you're concerned about someone, you don't need to diagnose what is happening or find the perfect words. Showing that you've noticed and that you care can be a meaningful starting point. If someone talks about suicide or suggests that they don't want to be here anymore, take them seriously. Ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide, listen without judgement and help them access appropriate support. If there is immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

How to start a conversation when you're not used to talking about feelings

One of the biggest barriers to opening up is knowing where to begin. If you've spent years keeping your feelings to yourself, the thought of explaining everything can feel overwhelming. The good news is that you don't need to have all the answers before you start talking.

If you're struggling yourself

Start small. You don't have to share everything at once. You might begin with something as simple as:

“I've not really been myself lately.”
“I've got a lot on my mind, and I don't know what to do with it.”
“I'm finding things harder than usual at the moment.”
“I don't need you to fix anything. I just need someone to listen.”
“Can we have a chat? I've been keeping a lot to myself.”

Choose someone you feel reasonably safe with. This could be a friend, partner, family member, GP or counsellor. If talking face to face feels too difficult, sending a text can be a useful first step. You could also write down what you've been experiencing and use those notes to help you explain it. Try not to wait until you reach breaking point before asking for support. You don't have to prove that things are bad enough, and you don't need to know exactly why you're struggling. You are allowed to ask for help simply because things don't feel right.

If you're worried about a friend, partner or family member

Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is create an opportunity for someone to talk without feeling pressured. Rather than relying on a quick “You alright?”, try asking a more specific question.

For example:

“You've seemed a bit quieter recently. How are things really going?”
“You've had a lot on your plate lately. How are you coping with everything?”
“I've noticed you don't seem yourself. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I'm here if you want to talk, even if you don't know where to start.”

Choose a time when you can give them your attention, without rushing or being distracted.

If they say they're fine, you don't necessarily need to push them. Let them know you're available and check in again later if you're still concerned. If they do open up, try to resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Sometimes, people need to feel heard before they can begin to work out what might help.

You don't have to say something profound. Listening, acknowledging how difficult things feel and reminding them that they aren't alone can make a difference. And remember: you can support someone without taking sole responsibility for their wellbeing. If you're worried about their safety, help them connect with professional support.

Counselling isn't a sign of weakness

For men who have grown up believing they should manage their problems independently, counselling can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. There may be concerns about what to say, whether a counsellor will understand, or whether talking about difficult experiences will make things feel worse before they feel better. These are understandable worries, particularly if you've never spoken openly about your feelings before.

Counselling offers a confidential space, subject to the usual safeguarding and legal limits, where you can explore what's happening without the pressure to appear strong, provide answers or look after somebody else's feelings.

You don't need to arrive with a clear explanation of what's wrong. You might come because you're feeling anxious, struggling with a relationship, experiencing work-related stress, grieving a loss or simply feeling unlike yourself. A counsellor can help you explore patterns in your thoughts and behaviour, understand your emotional responses and consider different ways of coping.

You don't have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Support can be useful before difficulties become overwhelming, as well as when you're already finding things hard to manage.

And you don't have to talk about everything straight away. Building trust takes time, and you can work at a pace that feels manageable.

Seeking help is not about giving up control. It is about giving yourself the opportunity to understand what is happening and decide what you need.

Changing the conversation for the next generation

Challenging the stigma around men's mental health isn't only about encouraging adult men to speak up. It's also about the messages we give children as they grow up.

When boys are told that crying is acceptable, that fear is a normal human emotion and that asking for help is sensible, they can begin to develop a healthier relationship with their feelings.

This doesn't mean that resilience, independence or perseverance are unimportant. It means recognising that these qualities can exist alongside vulnerability, compassion and emotional honesty. We can encourage boys and men to be strong while also showing them that they don't need to hide when they're hurting. We can make room for conversations that go beyond “I'm fine” and teach people that listening to someone else's difficulties is not something to be embarrassed about. Most importantly, we can challenge the idea that emotional pain should be endured in silence.

Paddy Pimblett's decision to speak publicly about his experiences helped bring this conversation to a wider audience. But it doesn't need to be a public figure who gives us permission to talk. We can start by checking in with the people around us, being honest about our own feelings and making it easier for others to do the same.

You don't have to face things alone

If there's one thing to take away from this conversation, it's that you don't have to wait until things become unbearable before reaching out. You can be a loving partner, a good dad, a supportive friend, a successful professional or someone others depend on, and still need help yourself. You can feel grateful for parts of your life and still struggle with others. You can be physically strong and emotionally exhausted. You can be the person everyone turns to and still need someone to turn to yourself. None of these things makes you weak.

At The Wellbeing Therapy Hut, we offer affordable and accessible counselling in Epsom, Kingston and Worcester Park, as well as online across the UK. We support people experiencing a wide range of difficulties, from everyday stress and relationship challenges to more complex emotional concerns.

If you've been putting off talking to someone because you feel you should be able to manage on your own, perhaps this is your reminder that you don't have to. You don't need to have the right words, a clear explanation or a plan for what comes next. You can simply start where you are. You deserve support, too. Find out more about counselling at The Wellbeing Therapy Hut.

If you need support now

If you're struggling with your mental health, you don't have to wait until you feel able to explain everything.

Samaritans: Call 116 123, free, any time, day or night.
Shout: Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential text support in the UK.
Your GP: Contact your GP to discuss your mental health and the support available.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger: Call 999 or go to A&E.

If you're worried about someone who may be at risk of suicide, stay connected, listen without judgement and help them access appropriate support. You don't have to manage the situation alone.